Not Exactly a Walk through the Park
by Shrine Maiden Kitty
Summary: Bakura and Ryou are an awfully odd couple. And things get crazier when Bakura wakes up Ryou at 5AM to go to the park. Ryou muses some odd things and then there's a bit of fluff! RyouBakura. Shounen-ai.


Hey all. Another weird one. I may make chapters about different couples. Give me some suggestions of those you would like to see. Anyway, yea, I odn't have much to say about this one. Enjoy.

Kitty does not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

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Not Exactly a Walk through the Park

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Part One: Ryou and Bakura

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"RYOU?"

I pulled my pillow over my head as the voice rang into my ears annoyingly. This was not the time to get up. It was 5:00AM for crying out loud!

"Ryou?"

Please, please shut up and go away.

"RYOU!"

"GAHH!" I screamed as I rolled out of bed only to come face to face with Bakura. I snorted in disgust at his cheery face.

"Oh good, you're awake," Bakura grinned as I rolled my eyes and picked myself up off of the ground.

"No thanks to you," I replied with a snort. "Do you have any idea of what time it is?"

"Time for you to get your lazy ass out of bed?" he answered sweetly. Ugh! What a slimy jerk!

I glared at him knowing he had won; I'd never get back to sleep now. "So what's the occasion, oh mighty Raiser-of-Those-Who-Still-Require-Two-More-Hours-of-Sleep?" I yawned as I made my bed. There was no sense in me getting back in it. He grinned through the darkness. Want to know how I know? It's this stuff that's on his teeth that makes them glint when he smiles. You know, like the sexy guys have on television! I personally think it's those Crest Whitening Strip things.

"Ryou." I turned my attention back to my yami as he spoke my name for the forth time this... morning. He gives me a serious look and I sigh and sit down, ready for his random and mindless babble. That what it usually is anyway, the serious face is merely a ploy.

"Well? What is it? Spit it out!" I exclaimed after a few moments of unnecessary silence. You get woken up at this hour during SUMMER BREAK and try being friendly! Go on, try it!

"Jeez, fine!" I hear him whine as he pulls a wad of chewing gum, most likely Double Bubble, out of his mouth and throws it in the wastebasket, throwing me a look that clearly said, 'Are you happy now?' Dear God, is he really that dumb?

"Ryou, why is it so dark in here?"

Apparently so.

I sighed as I turned on a lamp and watched my yami's pupils shrink in the intruding light. I'm sure that mine were doing the same.

"So what did you want to tell me?" I asked growing bored. He seemed to think for a few moments before he answered me. Dear Lord, he's slow. If he weren't a part of my soul I would hate him.

"Oh yeah!" I hear him utter suddenly. Hallelujah. His brain monkey is finally clanging its ever-annoying symbols. This should be rich...

"Want to go to the park?"

I think I just face-faulted. Yes, my face is in a great deal of extreme pain at the moment. I feel Bakura's hand lock with mine as he pulls me up. "Are you alright?" he asks. "You should really be more careful; you'll dislocate a hip."

I stare at him in disbelief. He really does have a clanging monkey for a brain, doesn't he? And I was just being sarcastic at the time, but this is a breakthrough of science! Just how do monkey-brains function? How do they know just when to clang?

This is all so absurd. At the moment I feel like either crying about being awake at this hour, or beating Bakura into a bloody state of unconsciousness. I'm opting for the latter. But what to beat him with? My pillow? Certainly not. It's just not dangerous enough. Although... I could smother him with it. Ah, a fine idea.

"Ryou?"

Ahh! It speaks! Brain-Monkey has really been working overtime today! But then again, he has said my name six times already since he's been here. I mean, not that I've been paying that much attention or anything. ... Do I hear birds chirping?

"RYOU?!"

"What?!" I snap zoning back into reality. Bakura glares at me like a cross child.

"You went back to Ryou-Land again," he pouts.

"I'm sorry, but I live there," is my intelligent reply. Jesus Banana he is so annoyingly... annoying!

"Answer my question!" he demands. Oh, growing cross are you? Well, two can play at that game!

"No! I will NOT go to the park with you at this hour!" His face falls.

"Awe, why not?"

Why not? Well that's a good question; IT'S FIVE IN THE FRIGGIN MORNING, THAT'S WHY!!! I swear I will suffocate you with this pillow if it's the last thing I do! ... These birds, they mock me!

"Birds!" I shout, and it takes me a few moments to realize that Bakura is staring at me blankly. Curse those birds! Now Bakura thinks I'm nuttier than usual! BLAH, BLAH, BLAH... BIRDS! Okay, better now.

"Birds?" he asks finally. Yes, don't you hear them? They are so out to get me!

"Birds. I don't like them," I say. He nods slowly and I can almost hear that monkey clanging. He stares out the window. Okay, we're really getting nowhere here and I should not even be AWAKE. I sigh in defeat.

"What's in it for me?"

I feel shivers go down my spine as he sports a catty grin. "I'm so glad you asked..."

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I cannot believe this. I cannot believe it! I am sitting on a park bench, at 5:45 in the morning wearing windbreakers and eyeliner. Not to mention my hair is a wreck, I had no time to take a shower! Damn you, Bakura! Damn you and your damn persuasive tactics made up of cream puffs and promise of human decency when leaving the shower! I mean, I can see my friggin' breath out here! I look up at you in the sakura tree above me. You, with your minute and illegal hobbit binoculars and mocha latte! With your warm knit sweater which, by the way, is MINE! Why are you wearing my damn sweater?!

"Hey, hey, Ryou! Hehe. That man is wearing yellow ducky socks!" I roll my eyes. So what if some people were as reluctant to leave their cozy beds this morning. Perhaps as disoriented as me when awakening at such ungodly hours.

"Hey!" I hear the Great Idiot shout. I don't know if he was talking to me or not, but I really don't care. No amount of cream puffs and long towels will ever bribe me into doing this again. I look over at the Great Overlord of the Dumbasses to witness him screeching at a defenseless and most likely harmless and innocent squirrel. Oh God. Oh Ra. Oh Mighty Dude of Worship. He is such an ass.

"See here Mr. Squirrel! There will be no more nut-touching for you! You think that you can get away with rubbing your greasy paws all over every nut in plain view of your pervish, squinty, nasty, beady, creepy, lecherous black eyes! I will not have it! TOUCH MY NUTS AND FEEL THE WRATH OF MY POISONOUS UNDERGARMENTS!"

Do you actually think that I'm still in the same place I started at when this conversation began? Are you that demented? Would you have stayed? HE'S THROWING DAMN PEANUTS AT THE SQUIRREL! There is something wrong with that... thingy. I'm almost frightened to even categorize him as the same species of an ape. No, I bet his Brain-Monkey is even more intelligent than him. He's the kind of dude that will have sex with a lamp just to see if the light burns. The kind of guy that will join the soccer team so he can get a 'cool new shirt'. He's the kind of guy that's a dumbass no matter how many times you tell him that if he reads the dictionary there will be candy at the end.

But that's our Bakura in a nutshell. And unfortunately I just happen to be stuck sharing a soul with him.

"RYOU! Oh dear Ra, did you see it?! He rubbed my nuts!! Hey Ryou???"

People are beginning to stare now, and I don't believe I've ever felt any more embarrassed in my entire lowly existence. Nope. Never. I try to hide my face and my almost impossible to miss, white hair as I huddle behind a bush in high hopes that Bakura can't see me. Maybe I'll catch frostbite in this bloody weather and be put out of my misery. My tomb stone would say 'Ryou Bakura, Death by Frostbite After Terrible Trauma Involving his "Mou Hitori no Boku". Please refrain from placing peanuts on this gravesite,' would be written in fine print. That would be a trip.

"Wahahaha! I see you Ryou!" I hear The Thing cackle from behind me. I spin around, startled, and squeal upon finding his binoculars barely inches from my nose.

"You bastard! You scared me!"

"My heart bleeds. AH! I'M LOSING BLOOD!"

And he decided to go along with this for a few moments whilst running in circles like an idiot, pausing every now and again to make sure that he was causing a scene, which he was. Damn pedestrians haven't learned to ignore him by now. It took me a few moments to realize that Bakura had shut up and was staring at me expectantly as if I was supposed top contribute to his display in some way. Moron.

I guess he grew bored with my silence, for he began to babble again. I just stuffed my hands into the pockets of my windbreaker. It's fucking cold out here!

"Hey Ryou! Look at this!"

I looked over just in time to watch Bakura pull The Sennen Ring from underneath his sweater and begin staring at it with a disturbing gleam in his eyes. I'm sure I looked thrilled.

"Haha, new sex toy!" I hear him giggle, and I paled considerably. Oh dear Ra... "Hey, I bet this would feel cool. Can I rub it on you when we go home, Ryou? Let's have sex on the counter."

My face has taken on the hue of a cherry. If I were not his legal guardian I would just leave him there to traumatize the public on his own time but I was obligated into this. I just want to go home, or drown myself, damnit!

"That's just sick, Bakura," I hear myself mutter when I finally find my voice. He merely shrugs.

"You're no fun."

"You're no walk in the park yourself," I smile. He gives me a blank look as he stares at our surroundings. I just now realized that the sun is rising. It's so beautiful. It just makes me forget all of the horrors of the morning and I lost myself in the moment, remembering just how much I loved my little moron. My Bakura.

While he continued to daze, I pulled his face down to mine (so he has a few inches on me!) and we shared a true kiss under the sakura tree, the sun rising behind us, and I felt him wrap his strong arms around me; that's when I realized that I'd rather be beet red in public every day than to go one day without him.

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HEHE.....(hides) yeah that was weird. Oh well. I get bored... easily. And I tend to babble. Yeah. One nice review will make my happy day!

HAPPY READING!


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